It was rush hour, and the traffic was backed up at the intersection of Blanding Boulevard and the I-295 off-ramp. This was not unusual, and neither was the fact that someone was standing by the road, holding a sign made of corrugated cardboard — the type of sign which often reads, “Will work for food,” or “Need ride to Miami.” But I couldn’t make out the words from my position in the long line of cars waiting for the light to change. In fact, I couldn’t even tell if the sign-bearer was a man or a woman.
When the light turned green and I followed the flow of traffic around the corner, I saw that the person in question was a woman of 40 years or so, wearing blue jeans, and looking as if she might drive home after her stint on the corner and change clothes for an evening PTA meeting. The sign she held read — not “Will work for food” — but “I NEED ANGELS.”
What was the meaning of this curious sign? Was it simply a more poetic way of saying “Will work for food”? Or had the woman’s life reached such a state of fierce desperation that she felt only divine intervention could help? For my part, all I knew to do was to pray that God would send whatever angels she needed.
Most of us find ourselves at a point of wretchedness of one sort or another, sometime in our lives, but how many of us proclaim it so directly or so publicly? For that matter, how many of us ask for help at all? What would it be like it if we cried out to all who could hear, “I need angels!” Or on the other hand, if we simply whispered over and over in our hearts, “Help, Lord Jesus!”
For all who need angels, O God,
send them quickly.
For those who need to ask for help,
give them courage and guidance.
For persons whom God would send as messengers,*
may they hasten to respond.
[* messenger: Gk., angelos]
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted,
and saves the crushed in spirit.
(Psalm 34:18)
It is the words, “Lord, I need an angel” that I typed in the web search that led me to this site. I am tired, but at that age between pre-retirement and retirement. I started a lucrative business 21 years ago. I lost it this year. I am losing my home and my car. I have used up my 401-k; I have no savings in the bank, and I have no income nor any promise of future income. I am divorced with a daughter in college. I am well-educated, well-spoken, well-groomed, well-mannered, well-respected, and well-taught in the Word of God. I know I must be pressed, and I know that this suffering will not last, but Lord, I need an angel.
My ex-husband’s crime and greed put him in jail and my business in jeopardy, but through the Grace I God, there were angels who helped me to rebuild my business and to function in the throes of a nervous breakdown. Those angels gave up all to work for the business, but now, by virtue of the fight to re-grow the business after the deathblow dealt by my ex-husband, and after the heartless broken promises of Big Business that was once a mentor, my angels who gave up all for me are left with nothing. Tragedy follows all segments of my life ~ I lost a house in Hurricane Ivan ~ I lost everything and started over only now to lose it again. I dread going outside; I dread meeting people; I start new projects that I cannot complete. God gave me talents to speak and to write. I can talk before hundreds of people; I have written poems that grab the heart and fill the understanding with truth and empathy. All this is bundled in fear and shame inside me. I cannot focus. I am filled with stress, worry, anxiety, fear, doubt, and guilt. My body looks normal on the outside, but it is shattered inside. Even my house looks normal on the outside ~ not like one going into foreclosure ~ but inside, the plumbing needs repair. And last night, as I lay quietly ~ unmoving in my bed ~ it broke and fell to the floor. A natural reminder to a soul, who has no earthly place to rest, on the verge of collapse without warning. Who would hire me on a normal 9-5 job at my age, after decades of working for myself? Yet, life and business have taught me to work hard, and yes, I will work for money. But right now, Lord, I need an angel.
Your story touched my heart, and I hope that you are indeed crying out for help – to God first, of course, but also to others whom God might use as instruments in this time of stress and suffering. If you haven’t already done this, please talk to your doctor and also to someone who could advise you financially. Do you have a pastor or another person you trust in spiritual matters? I assume since you lost a house in Hurricane Ivan that you live in the Southeast. If you are within reasonable driving distance of New Orleans, you might consider making an appointment with one of our Sisters at the Cenacle in Metairie: http://www.cenaclesisters.org/metairie.htm. They are not only experienced in spiritual direction, but they know what it is like to be affected by a hurricane. (You could ask to talk to one of the Sisters who was living there when Katrina hit.)
God does not desire suffering for us, but when we do suffer, God not only weeps with us, but uses it for good. “Your Pain Is Not Wasted” is another reflection on this site: http://www.vocationquest.org/cenaclearchives/?p=19
With my prayer, Sister Rose